Escape to Alpine Paradise: Tannenhof's Luxury Awaits in Sankt Johann!
My Brain's Still Buzzing: A Deep Dive (and a Few Rants) into Tannenhof, St. Johann
Okay, buckle up buttercups. This isn't your average, sterile hotel review. We're diving deep, and I'm still kinda processing my escape to Escape to Alpine Paradise: Tannenhof's Luxury Awaits in Sankt Johann! (Yes, that's the real name, apparently. Marketing folks are wild.) Let's unpack this… experience.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag, Bless Their Hearts
Look, I appreciate hotels trying. Tannenhof says they're wheelchair accessible. My experience? Hmmm. Yes, there's an elevator (thank the Lord, because I'm not climbing those mountains on my own!). But navigating the common areas… let's just say I saw more well-intentioned ramps than perfectly smooth paths. It's a work in progress, folks. More like "mostly accessible" than truly inclusive. (I truly needed the accessibility here, so this was very important and impacted a lot of my experience)
On-site Restaurants/Lounges: Food, Glorious (Mostly) Food
The food! Ah, the food. Okay, the restaurants (there are several, a real culinary playground!) are mostly accessible. One was a bit cozy, tight spaces. I'd recommend checking ahead if mobility is a major concern. Their a la carte menu was on point. And the vegetarian restaurant? Divine. My soul sang with every bite of their zucchini flower risotto. The Poolside bar was a treat: the sun, the views, and a perfectly crafted Aperol spritz. What more could a girl want?!
Internet & Tech: Bless the Wi-Fi Gods
FREE WI-FI! Praise be! Especially in all those rooms. I'm a blogger, so this was absolutely crucial. The Internet [LAN] was there, too, I guess, for those who like things… cable-y? The Internet services were fine, nothing groundbreaking. But the fact that the Wi-Fi was also available for special events was a nice thought.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax: Spa-tastic & Beyond (Spoiler: I Almost Died of Relaxation)
Okay, the spa. I'm not even kidding, I think I achieved a state of nirvana. The sauna, the steamroom, the pool with view (the outdoor swimming pool was a bit nippy, but the view made you forget the cold)…. Pure, unadulterated bliss. I had a massage that made me weep with joy. (Okay, maybe just a single, solitary tear… but still!). The Body wrap?! Yes. Indulgent, yes, but worth it. My skin felt like… well, like it had been reborn. Then there was the gym/fitness center… I think I glanced at it once. Mostly I was too busy being a pampered princess. The foot bath was a nice touch too!
(Rant Incoming): Cleanliness & Safety: Pandemic Paranoia & Beyond
Look, I'm still recovering from the pandemic brain. So let's talk cleanliness and safety. They were trying. They had all the things – anti-viral cleaning products, hand sanitizer everywhere, staff trained in safety protocols, daily disinfection in common areas, individually-wrapped food options. The room sanitization opt-out available was a nice touch. The professional-grade sanitizing services gave me some peace of mind. The safe dining setup made me relax a little. But the hygiene certification? Seeing that was very reassuring.
BUT. I'm a bit of a germaphobe. And I'm going to be honest. I still side-eyed everything. I mean, the hot water linen and laundry washing is great and everything, but I spent wayyy too much time wiping down door handles.
Dining, Drinking, & Snacking: The Feast of Flavors (Plus a Minor Crisis)
The breakfast [buffet] was an all-out brawl of deliciousness. So many choices! Western breakfast, Asian breakfast, the works. The buffet in restaurant was a triumph. I loaded up on pastries like my life depended on it. (Don't judge me.) The desserts in restaurant? Forget about it. The coffee/tea in restaurant was divine. And the Bottle of water was a welcome touch.
My biggest memory? One night at the Asian cuisine in restaurant. Divine, really. The chef came out and gave me his special dish. It was the most wonderful experience.
Services & Conveniences: A Mixed Bag
They had literally everything. The concierge was genuinely helpful. The currency exchange made things easy peasy. I loved the dry cleaning service. But honestly, the convenience store was a bit…conveniently overpriced. The daily housekeeping was impeccable.
For the Kids: Family-Friendly, But Don't Leave 'Em Alone
Family/child friendly. They did have babysitting service, but I don't have kids so I didn't need it.
Getting Around: Smooth Sailing (Mostly)
The airport transfer? Smooth as silk. The car park [free of charge] was a lifesaver.
In-Room Amenities: What Dreams Are Made Of
Okay, my room was a sanctuary. Air conditioning was a must, because mountains or no, I can turn into a puddle. The blackout curtains were a godsend. Thank you to the designer of the slippers, the most comfortable slippers I've ever had! The complimentary tea was a nice touch. The hair dryer and the bathrobes were essential. The free bottled water, always a plus, and the in-room safe box gave an extra layer of safety. And the separate shower/bathtub was a total win.
The Imperfections (Because Nothing’s Perfect):
- The "express" check-in/out wasn't exactly speedy. Still, made it easier.
- The room decorations, while pretty, were a little… generic.
- And though the non-smoking rooms were great, I could occasionally catch a whiff of smoke from the smoking area, which was irritating.
Final Verdict: Would I Go Back?
Despite the minor hiccups, absolutely. Tannenhof is a beautiful place. The spa alone is worth the price of admission. It's a luxurious escape, even if it's not perfectly perfect. (And let's be honest, where is?) Just go in knowing it's a work in progress, and embrace the chaos. And maybe, just maybe, I'll see you there, indulging in another body wrap!
Williamsburg's BEST Kept Secret? Luxury Getaway at Parkside!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's meticulously planned itinerary. We're diving headfirst into the Alpines Lifestyle Hotel Tannenhof in St. Johann im Pongau, Austria. And let me tell you, I am the itinerary. Prepare for a rollercoaster of glorious Austrian chaos.
DAY 1: Arrival and Altitude Adjustment (and a Mild Panic Attack)
Morning (ish): Touchdown in Salzburg! The airport? Honestly, it's charmingly small, which immediately lulls you into a false sense of security. Grab the rental car – a tiny, slightly too-close-for-comfort Fiat. My travel buddy, bless his heart, insists on driving. Big mistake. Huge. He keeps accidentally switching on the fog lights (WHY?!), and I'm convinced we're going to plunge off a mountain on the way to St. Johann.
Afternoon: Finally, finally, we arrive at the Tannenhof. And…wow. It's like a Pinterest board of Alpine perfection exploded. Think: cozy fireplaces, impossibly fluffy duvets, and views that'll make your eyeballs tingle. Check-in is smooth, almost too smooth. Makes me suspicious. The room? Delightful. Immediately flop onto the bed and almost fall asleep, only to be violently woken up by a sudden urge to unpack. Unpack I shall.
Late Afternoon: The hotel has a spa area, what a blessing! I am in need of a massage as I am still stressed. Also, the pool and sauna situation is chef's kiss. I decide to go to the sauna because it looked fancy. The first 5 min, I was getting extremely nervous. The second 5 min, I started panicking because it was too hot. 10 minutes in the sauna and I had to leave. I couldn't handle it.
Evening: Dinner! The hotel restaurant is…well, let's just say the portions are generous. I order the schnitzel, obviously. It's a religious experience. Lightly breaded, perfectly fried, and the size of my face. Overate. Regret it the second I leave the table, feel the full extent of my altitude sickness by the time I crawl into bed. Stare at the ceiling, questioning all my life choices. Is this the best, worst trip ever? Maybe.
DAY 2: Hiking, Hunger, and a Heartbreak (of sorts)
Morning: The sun! The air! We attempt a "moderate" hike. The brochure said "moderate." I say, "lying liars who lie." It's practically vertical. I am huffing and puffing, taking breaks every five minutes while trying to hide the agony from my travel buddy. The views, though? Staggeringly beautiful. The kind of view that makes you forget, for a moment, how desperately you need a nap.
Mid-Morning: We found a mountain hut. My stomach is screaming. I inhale a plate of Käsespätzle (cheese pasta) so fast, I barely remember chewing. It was heaven.
Afternoon: Back to the hotel for a nap. My muscles are protesting. My travel buddy, who seems to be made of mountain goat DNA, is already planning another hike. I have to feign a sudden bout of "extreme relaxation" so I can skip. It works.
Late Afternoon: The hotel bar. This is where things get interesting. The bartender, a charming Austrian with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, makes the best Aperol Spritz I've ever had. I start chatting with the other guests. A couple from England who are obsessed with gardening, some incredibly fit older people who are possibly secretly elves.
Evening: The restaurant, again. Tonight, I order the goulash. It’s rich, it’s savory, and it's my second chance to eat all the food from the hotel menu, with minimal fear for my health. We strike up a conversation with the gardening couple who is obsessed with gardening. They are the nicest people in the world! It's a lovely evening until… my travel buddy drops a bombshell. He's leaving tomorrow. Not the country, just the hotel. He wants to explore other things. I love him more than words can say. Suddenly, the mountains feel a little lonelier and the schnitzel a little less delicious.
DAY 3: Solo Exploration and Existential Dread (with a side of Apple Strudel)
Morning: Breakfast. Devour as much as possible, knowing I'm facing a day alone. The breakfast buffet at the Tannenhof should be registered as a religious experience.
Late Morning: Decide to visit St. Johann town. And I get lost. Really lost. Apparently, Austrian town layouts are designed to baffle tourists. Wander aimlessly, taking photos of everything because… what else am I going to do?
Lunch: Find a tiny bakery that smells like heaven. Eat a steaming slice of Apfelstrudel. Tears gather in my eyes. Not sad tears, just… overwhelmed-by-the-sheer-deliciousness-of-life tears.
Afternoon: Back to the hotel. I spend a ridiculous amount of time in the spa, trying to soothe my jangled nerves. The pool is my new best friend. The sauna? Still a no-go. Read a book, watch the mountains. Start feeling… okay.
Evening: Solo dinner at the restaurant. Surprisingly, it's wonderful. The staff is incredibly friendly. I order more schnitzel (because, duh), and the bartender makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm actually enjoying myself. Maybe, perhaps, this trip, with all its messy imperfections, is actually perfect.
DAY 4: Departure
Morning: One last breakfast. Hug the staff goodbye. Pack. The Fiat is even more cramped, but somehow that's… fine.
Late Morning: Drive back to Salzburg. The fog lights stay off this time. I’m more calm and I'm driving like a pro now.
Afternoon: The airport. A bittersweet farewell to the mountains. I leave Austria with a full stomach, a slightly bruised ego (thanks, hiking), and a heart overflowing with memories. The Tannenhof? A magical mess. Would I go back? In a heartbeat. And next time, maybe I'll try and survive the sauna. Probably not, but you know, a girl can dream.
Okay, so Tannenhof. Is it *really* as ridiculously luxurious as it looks?
Alright, the million-dollar question. The short answer? ... Kinda. Look, it's undeniably *fancy*. Think: fluffy robes you could probably nap in forever, and marble that gleams like a freaking disco ball. But here's the thing. Luxury, especially at this price point, is a slippery slope. You're expecting *perfection*, damn it! And... well, perfection is hard to find, even in a place that brags about its "uncompromising standards."
I once walked into the spa... and nearly stepped on a rogue flip-flop. A flip-flop! In a supposed haven of tranquility! It. Broke. The. Illusion. INSTANTLY. Then there was the time... (oh, I’ll get to that later, it's a saga involving a very expensive bottle of wine and a slightly tipsy me), let’s just say my expectations were, well, slightly… *thwarted*. So, yes, luxurious. But also…human. And that means a little bit chaotic.
The food! What's the deal with the food at Tannenhof? I saw a picture of a plate that looked… edible.
Oh, the food. Okay, *here* we have a contender for the "mostly impressive" award. The breakfast buffet? Sublime. Think: mountains of freshly baked bread, enough cheese to make a Swiss cow blush, and eggs cooked to order that make your eyes water with joy. Seriously, the breakfast alone almost justified the price of the whole damn stay. Almost.
Now, the dinner… that’s where things get a *tad* more… interesting. One night, I had a dish that was supposedly a local delicacy involving, (deep breath)... *wild boar*. It looked fantastic, presented on a bed of greenery. However, it tasted faintly of... cardboard. My dining companion, bless his heart, tried really hard to be polite, but I saw the pain in his eyes. We both kind of silently agreed that maybe the chef was having an off day. But the *desserts*! Oh, the desserts. Savior of the meal every time. So, food: mostly good, sometimes *amazing*, occasionally… a learning experience. Don't skip breakfast.
What about the rooms? Are they actually as dreamy as the pictures? Like, do I get a pillow menu?
Okay, the rooms are *stunning*. No joke. The views? Breathtaking. The beds? Oh, the beds. You sink into them, like you're being enveloped by a cloud made of pure, fluffy heaven. And yes, there *is* a pillow menu. A freaking *pillow menu*! (I chose the memory foam, and you know what? Worth it.)
The only minor caveat? (Here we go, the little things that will eventually drive you bonkers): My room service button didn't work for the first two hours. Which, frankly, is an eternity when you're craving a mid-afternoon chocolate truffle and a large glass of something bubbly to prepare for a hot bath. Minor, yes, but still… *annoying*. And the lighting in the bathroom was so dim, I could barely see to apply my ridiculously expensive face cream. Minor gripes, I know. But in a place that charges this much, you *notice* the little imperfections.
The spa! Is the spa all it's cracked up to be? And are the treatments worth the price of a used car?
Alright, the spa. This is where I went from "mildly irritated" to full-blown, "I deserve a refund!" Honestly? The spa is a mixed bag. The facilities themselves are gorgeous: steam rooms, saunas, plunge pools, the works. The atmosphere is (generally) tranquil. But it's the *treatments* where things get… let’s say, *challenging*.
I got a massage. A "signature aromatherapy massage" that cost, I swear, more than my rent. And it was… *okay*. The masseuse was perfectly pleasant, the essential oils smelled lovely, and I managed to drift off for a solid 15 minutes. But, and this is a *huge* but, the music kept skipping! Like, a broken record skipping every twenty seconds. At first, I thought it was my imagination. Then, I heard a faint "clunk" followed by another skip. It was maddening! I spent the entire massage trying to decide whether to say something and risk being rude or just endure it. I chose the latter, because I'm a coward and didn't want any more drama. The whole experience, with the skipping music and the slightly-better-than-average massage, left me deeply unsatisfied. The next day, I got a foot rub I am still happy about. Honestly, if the spa is your focus, maybe save your money and go find a nice massage parlor in town. You will probably get a better experience.
St. Johann itself – is it a charming Alpine town? Or just a pretty place to spend a lot of money?
St. Johann is… alright. It's pretty! It’s got the charming little shops, the cute cafes, the general "postcard-perfect" vibe. It's definitely worth a wander, even if you, like yours truly, are more comfortable in sweatpants than ski gear.
Is it *charming*? Yeah, I guess. Is it *mind-blowing*? Not particularly. Is it *expensive*? Oh, hell yes. Be prepared to spend a small fortune on everything from a simple coffee to a souvenir cowbell. If you are there in the winter, expect to share the place with a bunch of people wearing bright neon ski clothes. That's a reality. However, if you are searching for peace, quiet, and relaxation, maybe reconsider the area. It's still a great town, though.
Bottom line: Would you recommend Tannenhof?
Ugh. The million-dollar question, again. Look, I'm conflicted. On one hand, it's undeniably a luxurious experience. The rooms are gorgeous, the food is mostly great, and the general vibe is (usually) relaxing. On the other hand… the prices are astronomical, the imperfections are noticeable, and the whole thing feels just a *smidge* overhyped.
If you have money to burn and you want to experience a taste of what the absolute top end of luxury feels like, go for it. Just be prepared for a few moments of… *reality*. If you're on a budget or looking for a genuinely faultless experience? Probably steer clear. And maybe check out a spa that doesn't cost an absolute fortune. And for the love of all that is holy, take a proper look around before you book. Just saying. Because I just might return... eventually."
