Forbidden Fruit Rueil-Malmaison: The Juiciest Secret Revealed!
Forbidden Fruit Rueil-Malmaison: The Juiciest Secret – or Just a Tasty Treat? (A Rambling Review)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because you’re about to get the lowdown on Forbidden Fruit Rueil-Malmaison. Forget your clinical, perfectly-polished travel blogs. I’m here to spill the tea, the champagne, and maybe a little bit of my own, uh, juices on this place. Honestly? I was buzzing with excitement, thinking I was gonna uncover some hidden paradise. Turns out, it's… well, let's just say the reality was a tad more, shall we say, textured.
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First Impressions & Access… Err, Let's Talk About That.
Finding this place was the first hurdle. My GPS, bless its little digital heart, decided to lead me on a merry chase through what felt like the back alleys of Rueil-Malmaison. Finally, finally, I saw the sign. The exterior? Pretty standard. But I'm a sucker for a good entrance, and I was hoping for a dramatic reveal. Sadly, it wasn't quite "wow" material. More like "oh, okay, here we are."
Accessibility? The website claims "Facilities for disabled guests." That's great. But I don't have any real disabilities, so I can't 100% verify this. The elevator seemed (and I repeat seemed) well-placed. The hallways were wide. But honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the 'facilities' meant "we have a ramp we think works." Better to check with the hotel directly if accessibility is a must-have for you.
Rambling on Cleanliness & Safety (Because, You Know, Covid)
Okay, so in pandemic-era travel, cleanliness is EVERYTHING. I was obsessed with this. Like, borderline germaphobic levels of obsessed. How clean was it? Well, the good news is, they seem to have taken cleaning seriously. Hand sanitizer stations were everywhere. They advertised anti-viral cleaning products and daily disinfection in common areas. I saw staff constantly wiping things down. Rooms are sanitized between stays. That definitely eased my neurotic mind. They mention Staff trained in safety protocols, and I did see staff wearing masks (though not always consistently).
However… (There's always a "however," isn't there?). I did once catch a cleaning person using the same rag for the entire bathroom. Not ideal. I asked if it was a new rag, and she… well, she gave me a look that translated roughly to "Do you have any idea how many rooms I have to clean?" So… jury's still out on perfect cleanliness. And the physical distancing of at least 1 meter wasn't always observed. People, the urge to hug is real, but maybe not right now?
Staying Safe: The Sanitization Stuff, & Some Good Signs…
They offered rooms sanitized between stays, which gave me peace of mind. Plus the Safe Dining Setup (more on that later) and the daily disinfection did wonders. The Hand sanitizer thing? Spot on. But again, I'm a worrier, and I'm still gonna pack my own wipes.
Room Sweet Room (or, The Case of the Missing Bedside Lamp)
So, let's talk about the actual room. The Air conditioning? Fantastic. Pure bliss. The Blackout curtains? Saved me from the Parisian sun. The Bed? Comfy, with Extra long bed for my tall frame. The Wi-Fi [free]? Fast and reliable, even in the middle of the night YouTube binges. The Bathroom? Decently modern, with the bathrobes and slippers that always make me feel fancy, even if I'm just rocking a messy bun.
However, things weren't perfect. The Alarm clock looked like it was from the 80’s. The Reading light… MIA. Seriously, in a supposedly "luxury" place, you'd think I'd have a decent light to read my trashy novel in bed! And the mirror, a little small for my liking. And, okay, I'm being picky, but a girl needs options. Okay, okay… overall the room was fine. More than fine, even. But these little details… They matter. And where was the Complimentary tea? Hmmph.
The Spa - My Moment of Bliss (and a Minor Breakdown)
This is where things got good. Really good. I’m a sucker for a good spa, and this one delivered… mostly.
The Spa itself was beautiful and zen-like. I spent a glorious hour in the sauna, sweating out all my stresses and anxieties. The steamroom was heaven. And… the Pool with a view? Stunning. Seriously, the view alone made the whole experience worth it. I even did a couple of laps in the Swimming pool [outdoor] – felt like I was in a James Bond movie. Until I realized I was wearing a decidedly not Bond-worthy swimsuit. Oh well.
The Massage… This is where things took a turn, but in a good way. I booked a massage. The massage therapist? An Angel. The experience? Divine for the first half. Then I got a sudden urge to, ahem, unburden myself about my life. My relationship issues, my career anxieties… I unleashed a torrent of emotional garbage onto this poor, unsuspecting woman, all the while having a fabulous massage. I think she handled it with grace. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it all.
Post-Massage Ramblings…
They do have a Spa/sauna combo. Which I adored! I didn't try the Body scrub or Body wrap. Next time!
The Food (Buffets, Breads, and Bed Bugs – Just Kidding… Mostly)
Alright, let's get down to the edibles. I’m a foodie, and this is where things got… again, textured. They offer Breakfast [buffet] which I took. The buffet was decent, but not mind-blowing. The Buffet in restaurant? A solid B. Plenty. Decent.
The Asian breakfast wasn't an option at the time of my visit. However, the Breakfast service was consistent.Coffee/tea in restaurant? Yep. Nothing exceptional.
Restaurants & The Food – My Own Personal Chaos
We had dinner in the main restaurant. They have Restaurants and I found the A la carte in restaurant menu adequate. It was a mix of dishes with your International cuisine in restaurant or Western cuisine in restaurant. I tried the soup, and while the Soup in restaurant was delicious.
The Happy hour seemed decent and filled with potential.
The food itself was pretty good. The bread, however, was divine. Seriously, I may or may not have eaten an entire basket. The salads were fresh, maybe a little too much dressing. The Bottle of water helped. Overall? Not a culinary paradise, but certainly decent.
I didn’t check out the Poolside bar. Maybe next time. Room Service – 24-Hour – The Ultimate Indulgence!
They have Room service [24-hour], and I abused it. I really did. After that emotional massage, all I wanted was to stay in bed and eat something. The burger I ordered was… okay. The fries were cold-ish. But the fact that I could order food any time? That's a win in my book.
Things to Do (Beyond Eating and Crying)
They have a Fitness center. While I didn’t use it, it looked well-equipped, and I spotted some people happily grunting away on treadmills. They also offer Massage, Pool with a view, and Sauna all of which I took advantage of.
Services & Conveniences (The Good, the Bad, and the Slightly Annoying)
They offer a bunch of convenient services, which is great. Daily housekeeping was efficient. The Concierge was helpful and (mostly) charming. They have Laundry service and Dry cleaning, which is always a lifesaver. Cash withdrawal was readily available. They also have a Gift/souvenir shop. Which I avoided. I’m trying to declutter, not accumulate more junk!
However, the Air conditioning in public area was a little too efficient. I was freezing in the lobby! And the lack of a Convenience store or Cash withdrawal available near the hotel was a minor inconvenience.
For the Kids & Family Friendliness:
They have Babysitting service. **Family/
Rimini's Hidden Gem: Hotel Amicizia - Your Dream Italian Escape!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your average, perfectly-polished travel itinerary. This is gonna be a trip through Le Fruit Défendu in Rueil-Malmaison, France, and it's gonna be as messy and gloriously human as I am. (Which is saying a lot, trust me.)
Le Fruit Défendu: An Itinerary of Chaos and Croissants
(Day 1: Arrival and the Great Croissant Crisis)
Morning (7:00 AM – 9:00 AM): Okay, so the flight was a NIGHTMARE. Turbulence so bad I swear I saw the stewardess's face freeze. The kind of turbulence that makes you question all your life choices and briefly consider the merits of a pre-emptive prayer to the flying gods. Finally, we Land, slightly green around the gills. Thank goodness for the arrival in Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport.
- My Advice: Pack motion sickness remedies. Lots of them.
Morning (9:00 AM – 10:00 AM): Train from Charles de Gaulle to Rueil-Malmaison. This is where things get a little… French. Let's just that the concept of "smooth transportation" gets lost in translation. We finally arrive at Rueil-Malmaison.
- My Emotional Reaction: Relief. Pure, unadulterated relief.
Morning (10:00 AM – 11:00 AM): Check into the hotel. My hotel, is okay. Nothing fancy. But the bed is good.
- Quirky Observation: Why is it that hotel rooms always look slightly sad? Like they're waiting for their last occupant to leave and the apocalypse arrive.
Morning (11:00 AM – 12:00 PM): The Great Croissant Hunt. This is the most important part of the day. This is my life. We set out, determined. We find a boulangerie that looks promising. The smell of baking alone is nearly enough to send me into a blissful coma.
- The Imperfection: The croissant. It was… underwhelming. A little dry, a little… sad. I’m distraught. Is this the French experience? This can't be the dream.
- Emotional Reaction: Disappointment bordering on despair. "Is this all there is?" I whisper to myself, staring at the flaky, subpar pastry.
- Opinionated Rant: This is a betrayal of everything I believe in. The French, known for their food? This is a culinary crime!
Lunch (12:00 PM – 1:00 PM): Lunch in the neighbourhood. Local Bistro.
- The Imperfection: I ended up ordering the wrong thing, and it was…fishy
- Quirky Observation: the waiter was very handsome, so I would have been fine with getting anything he gave me. He knew it too.
Afternoon (1:00 PM – 4:00 PM): A Walk through the town. Exploring the streets, the architecture.
- Anecdote: I got lost. I ended up in a park with a bunch of children.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: The town is beautiful, even if I got lost.
Afternoon (4:00 PM – 5:00 PM): Return to the hotel for a rest.
Evening (5:00 PM – 7:00 PM): Return to the town. Find a dinner.
- Opinionated Rant: I am tired.
- Quirky Observation: I can't speak French.
Evening (7:00 PM – 9:00 PM): Dinner. Eating at the restaurant.
- Emotional Reaction: I tried to speak French! I think I made the waiters laugh.
- Messy Structure: I ordered something easy to communicate…I love French food.
Evening (9:00 PM onwards): Pass out in bed. Jet lag is kicking in.
(Day 2: The Château and a Second Chance at Baking)
- Morning (8:00 AM – 9:00 AM): The Great Croissant Redemption. I CAN'T FACE ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT A GOOD CROISSANT! This time, I'm doing my research. Reviews, recommendations, the whole shebang. We find another boulangerie.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: Hope. Pure, unadulterated hope. "Please, let this be the one," I silently plead.
- Morning (9:00 AM – 10:00 AM): Château de Malmaison. Josephine Bonaparte's former residence.
- Quirky Observation: It's fancy. REALLY fancy. Like, "do I even belong here?" fancy. And the furniture?! OMG.
- Opinionated Language: The gardens were glorious. Like, breathtakingly glorious. I almost cried. (Don't tell anyone.)
- Anecdote: I may have accidentally tripped over a small velvet rope meant to keep people away from a priceless vase. Mortified. Pretended it didn't happen.
- Late Morning (10:00 AM – 12:00 PM): Back to the boulangerie for the croissant! This time, it was a triumph. Flaky, buttery perfection. Worth every single calorie.
- Doubling Down: We bought a second one. And then a third. Don't judge me. It's okay.
- Emotional Reaction: Pure, unadulterated joy. I have found my bliss. I could stay in that boulangerie forever.
- Lunch (12:00 PM – 1:00 PM): Picnic lunch near the château.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM – 4:00 PM): A stroll in the surrounding area. Relaxing!
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM – 6:00 PM): Shopping. Finding souvenirs and gifts.
- Evening (7:00 PM onwards): Evening dinner. I am too tired to write what I ate. But I thought it was great.
(Day 3: Departure and the Aftermath)
- Morning (7:00 AM – 9:00 AM): Final croissant acquisition. Emotional goodbye. I will miss you, beautiful pastry.
- Morning (9:00 AM – 10:00 AM): Check out from the hotel.
- Morning (10:00 AM – 12:00 AM): Train back to Paris Charles de Gaulle.
- Anecdote: I met a very grumpy old French person on the train. It felt… authentic.
- Afternoon (12:00 AM – 1:00 PM): Flight back to the US.
- Stronger Emotional Reactions: A mix of sadness (leaving France), relief (the trip is over, I'm tired), and the lingering taste of perfect croissants in my memory.
- Evening (7:00 PM onwards): Home.
- Messy Structure: I had to clean up the mess I did. It was a lot of mess. But glad to be home.
In Conclusion:
This itinerary is a guideline, not a rulebook. Embrace the chaos, the unexpected pastries, the questionable navigation skills. This is not just a trip to Le Fruit Défendu. This is a trip through life. A messy, wonderful, slightly-flaky-on-the-edges trip. And it was totally worth it.
Now get out there and have an adventure (and eat a croissant for me).
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Forbidden Fruit Rueil-Malmaison: Ask Me Anything... Seriously.
Okay, spill the tea. What *is* Forbidden Fruit, exactly? I've heard whispers...
Alright, alright, settle down. Forbidden Fruit in Rueil-Malmaison... It's... well, it's a *thing*. Think of it as a Parisian speakeasy that's been dropped into a particularly elegant suburban area. It's all dimly lit corners, velvet ropes (sometimes!), and a vibe that screams "secrets, darling, secrets." Honestly, it's less about the literal fruit and *way* more about the forbidden... you know. The fun stuff. I ain't gonna lie, the first time I tried to get in, I felt like I was in a James Bond movie... except I was dressed like a slightly-too-enthusiastic tourist and my attempts at French were appalling. (More on that later... the humiliation still stings.)
So, it's exclusive? Hard to get in? Tell me about the door situation.
"Exclusive" is an understatement. It's less about having a black card and more about knowing the right *people*. Forget the velvet ropes, sometimes it feels like you need a secret handshake, or a password whispered in the ear of a very stern-looking bouncer. (Seriously, some of those guys look like they could break you in half with a smile.) I've heard tales of persistent rejections, of desperate pleas, of offering up a kidney... (Okay, maybe not the kidney. But you get the idea.) My advice? Network. Be charming (if you can manage it). And maybe, *just maybe*, have a vaguely mysterious air about you. (I'm still working on that one.)
What's the atmosphere like *inside*? Give me the lowdown.
Okay, here’s the thing: it's a sensory overload in the *best* way possible. Dim lighting, like, practically bordering on illegal levels of dark. You can barely see your own hand in front of your face, which, let's be honest, adds to the intrigue. The music is always spot-on – think jazz, old school soul, with maybe a touch of sultry electronic thrown in for good measure. There's a general murmur of conversation, punctuated by the clinking of glasses and the occasional, joyful outburst of laughter. And the smells? Oh, the smells! Cigars, expensive perfume, and a hint of something... well... *forbidden* (surprise!). It's intoxicating. I still remember the first time I walked in, I completely forgot about the French I was panicking to use outside. I kinda just...melted.
Let's get to the good stuff: the drinks. Are they worth the hype (and the potential agony of getting in)?
ABSOLUTELY YES. Okay, breathe. Yes. The cocktails are the stuff of legend. Crafted by bartenders who clearly moonlight as alchemists. They’re not just drinks, they're *experiences*. I had one once... oh, god, it was called something ridiculous, like "The Serpent's Kiss" or something. It was green, tasted of things I'd never even *dreamed* of, and hit me like a ton of bricks – in the best possible way. (I may have lost a little bit of memory that night. Details are fuzzy. But it was worth it.) They're pricey, of course, but seriously, it's an investment in happiness. And often, in a good story. Speaking of which...
Give me a juicy anecdote! Your *best* Forbidden Fruit memory, go!
Alright, fine. Here's the mother lode. This happened maybe a year ago. I *finally* managed to wrangle an invite through a very persistent friend - bless her heart! We're in, we're basking in the amazingness, and I'm feeling pretty darn smug. I'm nursing a "Midnight Bloom" (another cocktail masterpiece), and I'm chatting with this *gorgeous* woman. We're deep in conversation, laughing, and yeah, I was thinking, "This is the life!" Suddenly, the lights dim *dramatically* (even more than usual), and this incredibly suave guy walks up to her, throws his arms around her as if *she's* been holding her for the last twenty minutes - and starts passionately kissing her. In front of *everyone*. Turns out, I hadn't noticed a few important details! She waves apologetically to me with *a smile* and a wink, and then they walk off into the shadows... and I'm left standing there, drink in hand, feeling like a complete and utter fool BUT... also feeling completely *thrilled*. The whole thing was over in about ten seconds, and afterwards, I met her again months later!
What are the people like? (Besides, you know, the ones who steal your dates...)
The people? A mixed bag, darling. You'll find your socialites, your artists, your "influencers" (shudders) and, yes, some people who look like they wandered off the set of a Bond film. There's a definite air of sophistication, of "knowing things." You'll also see your share of... well, let's just say "interesting" characters. I once witnessed a full-blown, operatic argument erupt in the middle of the dance floor. (In French, of course, which, thankfully, I couldn't fully understand. Ignorance is bliss.) Basically, it's a melting pot of humanity, all seeking a little escape... and a damn good cocktail.
Any tips for getting in, or just surviving once you're inside?
Okay, the survival guide:
- Dress the Part: Not necessarily fancy, but *polished*. Think "effortlessly chic." (Easier said than done, I know.) Leave the ripped jeans and sneakers at home.
- Be Cool: The more you *try* to look cool, the less cool you'll actually appear. Relax. Mingle. Smile.
- Network, Network, Network: Befriend anyone who looks remotely connected. Especially if they look like they've spent a LOT of time there.
- Know Your French...ish. Even a little goes a long way. (Unless you're me, and your French is a comedic travesty... in which case, just try harder. And apologize profusely.)
- Pace Yourself: Those drinks *will* sneak up on you. Trust me on this one. I've woken up places... I *really* shouldn't have.
- Embrace The Mystery: Don't overthink it. Just go with the flow. And whatever you do, don't tell *everyone* about your experience!
